Love Fills a Healing Heart
There have been a few things on my mind lately about the loss of loved ones...
I had a conversation with my oldest sister a few weeks ago. I found out that my mom was talking to a counselor after my dad passed away. She had her tell her a list of things that she was having a hard time with. My mom said she was angry with the 911 responder she was talking to on the phone the night my dad passed away, and wanted to forgive that person. The reason why she was angry was because the lady on the phone made her leave the room for some reason, and when she went back into the room, my dad had passed away.
My mom was carrying that guilt around for so long. She was mad she was not there the moment my dad passed away. (my mom was never one to really get mad, so this was out of character for her). I have tears in my eyes writing this- I can't imagine that pain my mom was carrying around, and the guilt of not being there the moment his soul left this earth.
As my mom was telling this to her counselor, the lady stopped her. She proceeded to tell her the reason she was not in the room when my dad passed was because God knew she would not have been able to handle it. It was his way of making it easier for her.
I remember saying, "wow" over and over to my sister when she was telling me this. It was one of those "holy crap" moments! That makes so much sense. From that moment on my sister said my mom was happier, and started doing more things and you could tell she was in much better spirits after that talk with her counselor. I am so glad my mom was able to make sense of that and make peace of it.
It had me in tears hearing that story the first time because I carried so much guilt for not being around when my dad passed away. Now to think of it in a way that God knew I could not have been able to handle the situation, that is why I was not there when he passed has brought relief to me. I don't carry around that guilt anymore and has had me thinking more about timing in life...
...I recently went to a reading with a medium and she told me that children were brought into my life to help me heal and bring joy into my life. At the time of the reading I just brushed it off, "ok sure, kids bring lots of people joy". But, I remember her saying that kids will be like therapy for me.
Last night it was time for bed, which means grab your blanky and go give everyone kisses. I was the one putting the goof ball to bed last night so she went to go give her dad a kiss. As she was walking away he said, "Love you", and out of nowhere she said, "Love you" back"! (She only really says a few words; Mom, Dad, Sissy, PaPa, blanky, juice, please, more, vroom vroom, ketchup, Bob-that's another story, sit-(that sounds a little like a swear word) and puppy (we don't have a puppy). So to hear her say Love you melted my heart! I got tears in my eyes instantly. From there she would get about half way into the kitchen to the hall then turn around and go give dad a kiss again and say "Love you". That proceeded to happen about 12 times before actual bedtime.
We finally got to drink milk, cuddle and rock on the rocking chair and she started babbling. Then she started saying "Hi" over and over and waiving in the air. If you read It's Ok Not To Cry, you would know that I firmly believe my mom watches over the youngest one, and has a MAJOR presence in her room- she has since she was born. I am pretty sure she was saying hi to my mom, then she looked over at me and said, "Love you". I am not sure it came from my daughter or my mom, but either way...
My heart was FULL last night!! :)